Two Mars Bars And A Slurpee: The Breakfast of Champions

The Million-Year South Park-Cruise War

Man! I was so almost out of the door and I had to go and read this article a Double Agent (stolen and copied below):

Despite the reports, a spokesman for Cruise denies that the actor threatened any execs about promoting Missing Implausable III, stating, "He never said any such thing about Mission Impossible III."

Trey Parker and Matt Stone, South Park's creators, have hit back at the allegations. The duo issued a statement to Daily Variety that said, "So, Scientology, you may have won this battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will not stop us form keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies."

"Curses and drat! You have obstructed us now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu." They then signed the statement, "Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants to the dark lord Xenu."

These two always crack me up! Sure a lot of their humour can be juvenile or crass, but these are a some smart, funny guys. I wouldn't even know why the crap Xenu is.

Wikipedia: In Scientology doctrine, Xenu (also Xemu) is a galactic ruler (of the "Galactic Confederacy") who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of people to Earth, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together and stuck to the bodies of the living, and continue to cause problems today. - Ha ha ha. Man these people must be so messed up in the head - I can see why TomBoy hangs with them. LOFL.

(Read more of this wacky messed up belief at Wikipedia here).

FAC Semi Finals Draw

Well it's official - I'm psychic I predicted we'd play Chelsea in the semi-finals. Well I guess it was a 1 in 3 chance it would be them.

Still I've got to say that I'm happy with the draw on several levels. First and formost I like our Rafa v Moaniho record in semi-finals (drawn 1, won 1) better than our record in finals (lost 1). Also if we lose, then at least it's not in the final and it can't be rubbed in our noses (although I personally expect to win the replay at Anfield).

Additionally it now means that whoever wins the other semi will be in europe next year (meaning that Spurs and Bolton will have to keep Blackburn at bay). Of course I'm not sure what will happen if both Arsenal and Middlesbrough win their respective European competitions, do England then only have one team qualifying for the UEFA Cup qualifying via the league? If that is the case then only 5th place (Spurs probably) would merrit entry into the UEFA cup. And if the Gunners do win but Spurs finish 4th it will have meant that only the 4th placed team in the Premiership would be good enough to qualify for UEFA!

I'm not really a fan of any of the other teams also I'm a little partial to the Happy Hammers, so I hope they meet us in Cardiff, and ultimately qualify for the UEFA cup via runners-up spot.

Still almost a month to go before that happens, so for now back to the league and attention to a a different small blue team coming to visit the Mighty Reds at Anfield this weekend.

Going International Baby!

Now you can see my blog in Spanish, French, Japanese, Korean, Portuguese, German, Italian and of course jolly old English.

I know that Googles Translater has been around for an eon, but I just wanted to make a big song and dance about it. Don't ask me if it works though, I've no idea if the translations are even close to be acurate (and truefully don't care all that much anyway).

Of course you won't see a US flag up there anytime soon, unless Google realise that there needs to be translation between American-English and Proper English. Of course in my case it's mostly a mix of the two = Bad English!

Click on the flags below to view (I'll add them in the side bar a little later):

What a Week of Day by Day

Obviously I'm a fan of the series, that's why I have it in the side panel of the blog, but this week it's really been good. Taking a departure from politcs and moving on to "guy" things. Well since the daily strip changes daily (go figure) I wanted to preserve a spot where this week can be seen in its entirity.

Click images for "biggery". Go to Chris Muir's Dady by Day site for more strips.

TomBoy Cruise is at the center of a new controversy, an ad taken out in LA Weekly blames Cruise and Scientology for the death of a woman that was stabbed 77 times by her schizophrenic son.

“Thanks, Tom Cruise and the Church of Scientology, for your expert advice on mental health,” blasts an ad in LA Weekly. The ad goes on to say that a woman was killed “by the schizophrenic son she was told to treat with vitamins instead of psychiatric care.”

The ad refers readers to a web site, which provides details on the case of Jeremy Perkins, a 28-year-old schizophrenic who stabbed his mother to death and goes on to show who the Cult tried to cover up any conection to the event. Perkins was a staunch Scientologist and his mother was a counselor in the church — which opposes psychiatry and psychiatric drugs and “believes modern psychiatric medicine derives from an ancient alien civilization’s plot to drug and enslave humanity,” notes the site, before stating that Jeremy's family has since "disconnected" from him, per Scientology policy.

Tom Cruise has publicly bashed Brooke Shields for taking anti-depressants to treat postpartum depression and has said that mental illness is a myth. TomBoy, himself, is living proof that not only is mental illness not a myth, it can help you become a famous Hollywood actor.

Lohan is Wonderful

Your Moment of Zen:

Click picture to read Egotastic's report that Lohan wants to play Wonder Woman!

American Ab-dol

Paula Abdul used to be a great dancer, a pretty good singer and a fine Chick to look at. Now she's kust an embarressment. It's amazing that Idol haven't gotten rid of her yet!

Paula Abdul is the New Jennifer Aniston (Dilisted)
American Idol May Fire Paula Abdul (Dark Hat)

Chef DOES Cruise

As some may know Chef from South Park (Issac Hayes) quit Monday siting that he could not stay with a show that makes fun of his religion, Scientology. This despite the fact that he has no problem taking the piss out of Christians, Jews, Muslims, etc.

This comes after Tom Cruise successfully got Comedy Central to pull the 'offending' Scientology episode (staring himself and fellow wacko John Travolta) by threatening not to help publicise his upcoming film Mission Implausable III (sic). This of course led to South Park geeks (I mean fans) saying they will boycot the film. Personally I won't be boycotting it, I won't be watching it either 'cause it's bound to blow chunks and I'm not going to see a movie with that pleb in it anyway!

The lastest twist however (involving Hayes, rather than TomBoy Cruise) is that Hayes didn't even quit. Claims are that after he had a stroke in late January, the Scientolgy brainwashing crowd took advantage of him in his condition and released the statement saying he was leaving the show.

This is, of course, the most likely answer, after all a cult trying to take over someone's life when they are unable to - sound's like Scientology to me!

In any case South Park still went on to air an episode of South Park (using old sound) making Chef out to be a pedo (very sick) including some references to his cult (I guess Cruise and Hayes pissed off Trey and Matt).

Well at least if Hayes really has quit he has another job lined up:- the voice of Mousketeer TomBoy Cruise:

Bubble Bandits Coming to a Mall Near You

This looks like a lot of fun, all of the shoppers and their kids look like they love it!

As seen on Break.com

Kelly Brook Putting on a Show

Not really my favourite chick, but decent enough and any chick who likes to wear uniform (especially when made from rubber latex) is alright by me. So here she is as

a Cop
a French Maid
an Admiral
and a Business 'Man'

Get more pics here.

Washington's Whitehouse Press Corp.

Of course in those days he would have been trown overboard or at least strung up on charges of treason. Today's Whitehouse Press Corp just end up at Cheese and Wine parties hosted by Al Jazeera.

The work of Michael Ramirez at (surprisingly) The Los Angeles Times.

Foobies

No longer will men have to scour through fark.com for the occassional link to any Boobage for a little instant gratification, instead they can simply go to foobies.com and by pass all the news articles etc.

Boro & Addicts Play Out a No-Score Bore

So with the draw being made tomorrow West Ham won't know who they will be playing against in the semi-finals, while Liverpool will have the pleasure of knocking Chav$ki out in the other tie (my draw prediction). Then beating a "plucky" Hammers side in the Millenium Stadium come May.

Quarter Final match reports:

Like 'Nutjob' Father, Like 'Nutjob' Son

What an idiot! (I can't bring myself to putting a picture of him up so here's an excuse to put up the fine Ms Richards instead)

Charlie is following yet again it the footsteps of his nutjob dad! His latest ranting on a radio show saying that the whole 9-11 tragedy was just a political conspiracy created by the government. Man these hollywood types who just spout this crap off they must be taking some serious drugs to stay the far detached from reality.

Here's what the mindless moron had to say:

"It seems to me like 19 amateurs with boxcutters taking over four commercial airliners and hitting 75 percent of their targets, that feels like a conspiracy theory. It raises a lot of questions. A couple of years ago, it was severely unpopular to talk about any of this. It feels like from the people I talk to, and the research I've done and around my circles, it feels like the worm is turning."

"Unpopular to talk about it" - What!? It's never been popular to talk about it because it's just thought up by idiots who have to believe something is going on in the world behind the scenes. Of course no one is joining with them 'cause their crazy!

I don't know why I should we be suprised in the first place by this man - look at who brought him up, you can't expect to be normal after that. And how stupid can you be to lose out on a chick like Denise!?

Charlie Sheen: a bum, a loser, an idiot, and now a confirmed nutjob.

"Thank you ladies and gentlemen, Sheen has now left reality."

Neo-Nazis Threaten To Massacre Muslims At World Cup

Yahoo News:

The World Cup in Germany is set to become a battleground between facists and Muslims, an Italian member of a new European neo-Nazi movement warned.

In a statement published by Italian daily Repubblica, the memeber of AS Roma's notorious ultras hooligan group claims neo-Nazis across Europe met in Braunau in Austria to plan attacks against supporters from Islamic countries during the World Cup in Germany from June 9 to July 9.

"We are united. For the first time we are talking and planning together, with the English, the Germans, the Dutch, the Spanish, everyone with the same objective. At the World Cup there will be a massacre," said the Italian ultra. "We will all be in Germany and there will be Turks, Algerians and Tunisians. The Turks, we can't stand them. In our country (Italy) there are not many, but in Germany, there are many of those guys there. They are Islamic terrorists. We will attack them. They are all enemies that need to be eliminated, just like the police. If we make the Roman greeting (the fascist salute) they put us in prison. We will be tens of thousands. Nothing but the English are feared."

I don't even know where to begin with this crap on the one side you've got the Islamic Extreemist Terrorists, and on the other these Neo-Nazi Nutjobs. If only we could strand them all on a deserted island and let them kill each other off.

Here's hoping the German police play hardball and that the real fans behave the way rational human beings should and stay out of trouble!

I Haven't Seen This Yet, but I Know I'm Gonna Love It

As seen on Break.com

A Scanner Darkly

I don't know this graphic novel/story, but stumbled upon it only after seeing the rather tasty pics of a semi-animated Winona Ryder. HAving checked out the trailer it looks as though it might actually be good. Also staring Keano Reeves (in the only kind of movie he can do - one that requires little acting ability and saying "Whoa!" at least once), and our favourite Junk Head morons: Robert Downey Jr. and Woody Harrleson. Being released sometime in the summer, it adds a layer of graphics (similar to the style of Hard Boiled, etc) to already shot live action.

There are a couple of scenes of Ryder in the buff, but source assure everyone that she was fully clothed when they shot the film and the animaters had to ad-lib. Truth be told they probably look better than the real ones do!

View the trailer here.

Your Enemy's Enemy is still your Enemy!

What do Jimmy Carter, Dan Rather and Louis Farrakhan have in common? A deep and abiding love for Fidel Castro and communist oppression. All three carefully ignore the Cuban prisons full of political dissidents and the virtual police state that Castro runs.

Farrakhan also proves how stupid he is by going to Cuba to learn how to survive a hurricane, claiming Cuba has not lost any lives to hurricanes. He conveniently ignores the 16 killed in Cuba by Hurricane Dennis in 2005 or the 1,000+ Cubans killed by Hurricane Flora in 1963 or the Hurricane Of Santa Cruz in 1932 that killed over 3,000 Cubans.

Then again, Farrakhan has never been known to be very bright. In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina he was the one who started spreading the rumor that the government had blown up the levees in New Orleans with explosives in order to kill black people. With any luck, Castro will keep him. The commie dictator and the head of the Nation Of Islam should get along very well!

What the Port Fiasco Brought Us

You don't trust Dubai, you want an American company that's not Halliburton and this is want you get - you deserve it!

Funnies?

Take a 'break' from Footie

Addictive little tennis game - kind of reminds me of the seriously old video games back in the late 70's before Atari 64s, etc. Keeping a clean sheet's a little hard though.

Forward out, Defender In?

Sporting Life are reporting that Cisse is likely off to Tottenham in the summer:

Liverpool striker Djibril Cisse's agent has invited Tottenham to make a move for the Frenchman in the summer.

Cisse was heavily linked with a move to White Hart Lane in January and although Spurs have denied they made a bid for the 24-year-old, Cisse's representative Ranko Stojic reckons a deal could yet be done. He told the Daily Mail: "Djibril is very interested. We know Tottenham are too. The situation will be resolved at the end of the season and I do not believe that Liverpool will oppose his departure - if they can obtain £7-10million."

A Spurs spokesman said: "We have never made an approach for Cisse and have not had any interest in the player."

Likely hood of this being true? Don't know, but I hope it's a load of crap. Cisse has repeatedly said how much he loves LFC & Liverpool and that he wants to stay, but he obviously not happy being used only as a bit=part player by Benitez. Tottenham would be a good fit for him, he would be their best player by miles if he did join them. However, if Spurs fail to qualify for the Champions League (and I really hope they don't now) he may not want to go. Of course if the Gunners make it and lose Henry, they may well go for Cisse themselves!

Sky Sports are reporting that LFC have agreed a three year deal with free-agent Valencia defender Fabio Aurelio.

Reports in Spain suggest that Liverpool have agreed a three-year deal with Valencia defender Fabio Aurelio. The Brazilian is available on a Bosman free transfer and has also been pursued by Greek side Olympiakos, however reports indicate that The Reds have won the race for his signature.

Aurelio won both La Liga and the Uefa Cup under Rafa Benitez's stewardship at La Mestalla, and it appears as though their productive partnership is likely to be renewed at Anfield come the summer. Although no official confirmation is yet forthcoming, Spanish radio reports that Liverpool's offer of €2 million (£1.38 million) per season eclipsed both Olympiakos and Valencia's approaches.

The left back would provide strong competition for John Arne Riise, Stephen Warnock and Djimi Traore at Anfield should he confirm his move to The Premiership, with the South American also able to perform in midfield. He has previously attracted admiring glances from Real Madrid, Barcelona and Manchester United, but could now be poised to become the latest Primera Liga star to join the Rafa Benitez revolution at Anfield.

Likely hood of this being true?
Dogs?....(sniff)....Cats?....(sniff)....Bullshite! How many defenders do we have already! Okay it's for the left back - supposedly the weakest part of our defence. However why bring in another foreigner, we should be looknig at bringing up Warnock's game to challenge Riise. Having said that if Rafa is planning on off loading Traore then this might be true.

Seventh Heaven

Now there's a headline that will be overused in the papers tomorrow.

Liverpool FC have now knotched up 3 wins on the trot, scoring 15 goals in the process against Premiership teams. This is after they only managed to get 2 in their five outings prior to the Fulham game, if only they could've been spread out a little more.

Perhaps more importantly goals were scored by all of the LFC forwards, Crouch (2), Morrientes (1) and Cisse (1), Fowler was Cup-Tied (Lord only knows how many he may have scored had he been eligable!) Other goals came from the thunderous Riise and Hyypia's goal started it all off when he scored in the first minute of the game. The seventh goal (6th on the night) was the own goal of Oliveir Tebily (Birmingham's half-time substitute).

LFC now join West Ham in the semis and will only have to wait two days to see who will join them from Chav$ki or Newcastle (Shearer's last chance for silverwear) and Charlton or Middlesbrough (a game that pretty much no one cares about).

Personally I'm hoping that we meet the Hammer's in the final after beating the winners of the Charlton/Middlesbrough clash.

Bye Bye Brucie?

With the club's owners recently admitting their patience is waning, it was clearly an evening to forget for Steve Bruce. And with two games coming up against ManScum and Champions Elect Chav$ki, I can't see him proving to the board that they have the right man for the job at St. Andrews. Of course it would be suicidal to get rid of him now (before survival is assured/lost), but he has to know it's coming and a 7-0 thrashing will be a real blow to moral and confidence for Birmingham FC.

Of course I hope he turns it around at the weekend and gets a jammy win (or draw) at Scum this weekend, but it doesn't look likely! All of those that had their money on O'Leary being the next "top flight" manager to go are probably kicking their heels now!

LFC v Brum

Okay half time's come and gone, LFC are currently 3-0. An early start with a goal from Hyypia in the first minute followed by another Crouch goal in the fifth. Birmingham will have to pull of an Instanpool to get back in it.

60 mins: and Morientes, recently coming of for Crouch has scored and the game is now 4-0 to the reds.

70 mins: Now it's Riise - what a goal glut. Obviously Brum are more concerned about survival in the Prem than the FA Cup, but a beating like this will be totally demorilising. West Brom and Pompy could be smiling about this almost as much as the Reds. I guess this is what Rafa does - he loses games against Bogey teams (Chav$ki & Brum), but beats them when it really counts.

77 mins: Adding insult to injury the Mighty Reds are now 6-0 thanks to an own goal by Oliveir Tebily (Brum's ½-time sub). Can there be any more? With Cisse on after Riise's goal this is surely his best chance to knock some in and forget the Tottenham reports.

I remember being at the Palace game and coming away 9-0, hwat must it be like for the travellers who endured 2 goals in 5 games pre-Fulham, who have now seen 14 in the last 3!?

84 mins: The game is over as a competition, Liverpool have joined West Ham in the semi-finals. All that Brum have to play for now is pride, I'm sure that many of the home fans have left right now and the travelling reds are in full song. Let's hope the boys can rape them for every goal they can get!

87 mins: Great comments from the Sporting Life commentator: "Birmingham fans are ironically cheering every pass their team makes and what could be more humiliating?" and then better still, "The FA Cup rarely sees such one-sided encounters at this stage of the compeition and Bruce might even wish his side never even made it this far." - LOL, poor Brucie, perhaps he'll beat O'Leary in the Next-Manager-To-Get-The-Sack race!

90 mins: YEEEESSSSS!!! It's lucky number 7 and our man Cisse scoring the goal, good on you my son! This will probably go down as one of the most one-sided FA Cup ties between two top division teams in history!

90+2 mins: The final whistle sounds and Liverpool have quite simply destroyed Birmingham tonight and have marched into the semi-finals of the FA Cup!

FA Cup - Quarter Finals

Stupid computer power cord - I was down all day yesterday and part of today. I missed a bunch that I was going to post yesterday, especially the buildup to the Quarter Finals between LFC and bogey team Birmingham.

Instead it's already ½-time and this is the first chance I've had to write anything. Okay the good news is that we're already up 3-0 (two from Crouch), but the bad is I couldn't build up to the game going on about how Brum is the only Prem team that Rafa has failed to beat yet - Shut it Moaniho!

Instead here are the links while I go bad a read through whats happened through the game so far. One extra bit of news - Momo is back, good on ya son.

Blues Hoodoo Won't Do - Luis Garcia (sporting life)
Bruce Keen on Cup Success (sporting life)
Reds so Keen to Ensure Cup Comes Back Admits Benitez (icLiverpool)
Sissoko to Make Surprise Return (icLiverpool)
Benitez has Fitness Fears in Impossible Mission (icLiverpool)

Footie Links

Rafa Pleased with Fowler Progress (lfc.tv)
Reds Apologise For 'Cowardly' Fans ('Sick' would be a better description - sporting life)
As I was saying yesterday Pompy benefited from the FA cocking up the fixture lists and Bruce is pissed (sporting life)

Liverpool Win. Chav$ki Sing the Blues.

Liverpool have kept up the pressure on Manchester United in the race for 2nd place after goals from Peter Crouch, Steven Gerrard and Djibril Cisse gave them a richly deserved 3-1 win over Newcastle United at St James Park today.

The Reds took charge of this match almost from the first whistle and they raced to a two goal lead through Crouch and Gerrard. And although Newcastle threatened a comeback when Ameobi pulled one back, the points were secured when Cisse scored from the penalty spot after Boumsong was sent off for bringing down Crouch.